Joh's blog(Edwin's blog)

MONSTER UNDER YOUR BED

2011-12-08T00:37:00.001-08:00

So this is the most sad night of your life, little girl
tear streams
weeping profusely
crying along the night
and your iPod play british broken heart song your bunk bed

then i'm your monster under your bed
that you always scare to
your tear fall down , dripping to my face
create a great ripple in my heart
for the first time i'm feeling sorry for you

and i hear you wisher his name...
so broken

you have broken heart, broken love

that's why
you ran into your room with those pretty high heels locked the door..
and jumped into your bed
and started to crying..crying...

this the night i dont look your knees, that always pray beside your bed
pray about him all night
girl what happpens to you tonight?
can i come, sleep beside you? wipe your tear, til the morning come...
and tomorrow i'll be monster under your bed again...

~ for everyone who never realise that someone is always be there,

thou' never be wanted~

EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL

2011-11-30T08:03:00.001-08:00

WELL IT'S SOMETIME

2011-11-30T07:54:00.001-08:00

I see,
I am the one who needed you most
I am who weak without exoskeleton
Thou' it's healing now
Sometime when i touch it, it feels hurt...
I don't know how long til we meet again...
how long...
Well...sometime...it's hurt

MERE LOVE

2011-11-27T01:38:00.001-08:00

They said, we need to prove our love with something real...material...
i don't...but there're proofs

i can't even ride a motorcycle
but i can drive a car safetly

i can't give you a 100-rooms mansion
but you have the whole chambers in my heart

i haven't enough money to buy you a diamond ring
but i can bind us to be together forever

i can't put a tiara on your head
but i can give you a warm kiss on your forehead each day

i won't be able to afford all your credit' card debt
but i'm working hard to fullfill everything you want

i'm not always ask you to go on vacation every Christmas
but i'll always take you to the first place we met

i don't treat you a Eiffel-tower dinner at your birthday
but i'll learn to cook your favorite meal

i'm not him, your idol
but mere me...just me

~for you, always for you,one who never left this brain,on top of those cells and chemical reactions~

WATER AND SAND

2011-11-22T07:51:00.001-08:00

See it now,
Air, water, fire, and dirt. You've touched it, but you can't tell me how it feels like.
Cause you're numb

Blinded by the dark
Stranded in desert, you're astray. Need some stars to be followed.
But you're blind

You're rich
Still you can't buy anything. A gold bars are your foot pedestal.
Cause you have everything

Soon, science make you god but faith make you demon
Where are those human?
They grab all things to make it their own
Hold it tight, too tight
Thousand hands to grab, hands to scratch

Still, can't you have that much, even with thousand hands?
;My water and sand

~for people that are late to realise that they got nothing~

LIMITATION

2011-11-22T07:30:00.001-08:00

You don't know when to stop
I'll remind you

You don't remember where you've been
I'll recall that

You don't realise what's wrong
I'll correct it

You don't know who you are
I'll name you

Cause you've been running, out of control
Beyond your ability
You've been jumping out of all the boundaries
Beyond your highness

What'd you aim to?
Being perfect? or super-human?

You don't know your limit
I'll limitation

~for they who never know how to breathe awhile~

GOLD BUT NO NOBLE

2011-11-15T02:13:00.001-08:00

She's a princess but not noble
An angel but not noble
A golden cup aint noble
There are winners but not noble
Kings stand aloft but no noble
There're gods but not noble
They are priest but no noble
Humans re good but, ain't becoming alike
We wear a mask, a character, a journal to walk

Some act like mere civils, but have a heart of king

~for un-crowned prince and princess, that noble~

FLASHBACK

2011-10-09T22:29:00.000-07:00

Flashback

those old photograph
o'tainted one 5th birthday picture
that was me
a son from lovely parents
few years later, his vision 'd never same...
he thought about life and death
a pre-mature boy
and i am sad
i know everything's gonna changing...sooner or later
will changing, will be will...
and in the end we'll never had enough time to bear all those memories
bithday cake, toys, my first soccer ball, the vases i broke, brother
but let a teardrop tell it...
that i miss my childhood
i am away, changing
being mature

Halleluja o'Jesus Christ
you make my life beautiful, so beautiful
bless my parents, bless their health, bless my brother
protect them whenever and wherever they are
i love them so, i love YOU so

your mere tainted humble son..

I KNOW (THAT) YOU...

2011-08-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

I know you cry everytime you read your diary
I know you read so carefully my name
I know your heart soak in melting tin every single word
I know
but do you know, i'm more than cant forgive myself
i'm more hurt watch you wounded by me

i know i'm useless
i do nothing
always nothing
and you're right

m'Lord anything, take those pain from her...
take it all, and it 'll be my debt
my lifetime debt
i believe i'm ready, cause i have no aim anymore
i'm YOURS

I MESS IT

2011-07-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

dear God,

i realised that i mess it up
i'm the one who can't let her go
i'm the one who make it worst
i'm the one , the only reason of her being hurt

the one who's stupid
i know i can't mend anything

i came to YOU, humbble, broken hearted
i brought my broken heart
i laid it upon YOUR feet
i gave my whole broken heart
and it's YOURS

my Lord, i know YOU listen any moans
any tears dripped

i always want to be the one, number one

at least i'd been

THEN WHAT

2011-07-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

ah, exactly what i meant, things happened to me and not to you

am i?

am i the one who always lose?
that time...
i loose you, really loose
can't get what i intend

now, looks that i got to loose again
always loose

nothing i could intend
nothing i'd expect
i'll have to loose it in the end

is it easy? bear whole pain in heart for long time
you dont know
you really don't know

my life's already broken
he's already dead
now you're gonna break once again
do it, dead man can't die
what could be worst more

DEAD MAN CAN'T DIE !
crush it!
do what you wanted, then i'll be sinned !!!
i'll feel guilty forever !!

why dont you just promise that thing !!!!

THINGS YOU DONT KNOW

2011-07-09T02:04:00.000-07:00

there's alot of things happen without you
that you dont know
and no one know

i'm not gonna tell anything here
let it, only God and i know what happen

it seem everyone wants to teach me things
they dont know anything, althou' they know everything

they talk, talk, talk
they tell, told, tell ,told
like i'm a aspergerboy
or maybe i am

so if you ecpect something from me
close this page, cause you're astray
you've taken what my only belongings, you

let it be, i m not gonna tell anything to human

no one need to know
let it be
and you shouldnt know
everyone shouldnt know

i'm sick at this time
a week maybe, since you went home
home
i wish we'll have home

NOT A GIFT FOR JESUS

2011-06-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

Father
let me tell the world who you're
i'm such a idiot who act knows YOU so much
but let me tell the world
that YOU are Jesus

HE's the one
HE's the father of all fatherless children
HE's a neighboor that lent you a lawnmower and never ask it back

HE's the one
HE's the michrophone on your phone, when you need someone who talk to
HE's the staff of legless men and women

HE give a birth to a lonely parents
HE give a kind husband for prostituted girls
HE give a applause when a show is going to ruin
HE give a dollar to children in front of your shop in christmas eve

And you dont know anything what HE did for you
but believe, HE do everything for you

I know this is nothing
i only want to tell the world that you kind, so kind

I DON'T KNOW

2011-06-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

now what?
i don't know what you feel now
i dont even recognize you
you 're someone else
and i mere i

what's the next step?
time and clock rule it
world keeps spin around while i'm stuck not moving
makes my head dizzy

i really dont know
what's tomorrow?
all i know, we 've been happy together, at least i've been happy with you

FAIR

2011-06-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

i know you're angry
i didnt do fair game
all about my fault
but what can i do?

speak to what's your solution...
we're gonna die in this stuck situation

i know that you need me, dont you?
as i need you

know thing : i'm the man who can't be moved
i'll be here always be here
like these months
always here
i'll be here waiting for you come with your gun
and shoot upon my head

i'm here

hope you're alright
next week will be your birthday...

I HOPE YOU GET IT

2011-06-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

my problem is that i fall in love with you everyday
and i can't stop thinking abaout you
always about you

i hope you dig it
got what i meant, it's for your own sake
i cant continue this life anymore
i hope you understand

dream is always be dream
i dont against the destiny
cause there is no such way, we'll be togerther in the end
sometime life isnt like novel
a miracle comes in the right time

i got to end this
or we're stuck
or we'll be saparated later
we cant be united, we're too far, too different
this's for you

i hope you get it
you should forget me from this time
or you'll be more hurt in the end

cause from the start we shouldn't be together
but no regret, just grate
i love you always

I AM SORRY, IT'S FOR YOU

2011-06-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

i know i'm the badguy
it's all my fault, all my

and one thing...
i want you to be happy...

i have to end this
please forget me, leave me
cause it will be more hurt later
so hurt

we cant be united in the end
we cant get married in the end

just this..
my dream, mere dream and always be dream

take you to the curch, my parents will say yes..
i'll work hard, save money, buy a house, and start a little happy family

it's olny a dream, my dream...

i love you
promise me, you'll be happy in the end
even without me..
you deserve better love, better life...
i beg to you
for your own sake
for you..

IS IT HIGHSCHOOL?

2011-05-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

Is it high school?
the first time we put it on with proud
the last time we put it off with sadness
the same chair we sat on
the whiteboard we stared
with the great men and women painted our future
make it bright

the lovers that hiding, giggles
the teachers that shouting, warnings
the bell ring that we waiting, running
can we forget that?

now tomorrow wont be the same
new day friends
glad to know you all
glad to be with you all
this is the place we met
this is the place we say goodbye

a grate can't pay what teachers did
but we got to make a promise, that we will pay
by our succees
God bless us all
friends are forever
memories are forever

AM I THE ONE?

2011-03-08T02:39:00.001-08:00

Ask your heart
and tell me what do you feel
but remember i aint him anymore
he was dead so dead

see inside your head
am i your truly purpose ?
Am i the one ?
Even our language dont fit each other
we dont understand who we are

a void heart cant love
a damaged feet cant walk
a mere me cant be with you

let it over
life must move on
i'll carry on my pain
carry on yourself

but
am i the one?

CHARRED LOVE LETTERS

2011-02-10T01:58:00.000-08:00

Charred Love Letter

i dreamt
i wish i dreamt
he cried vigorously
he woke from the funeral
and told me
"you're me and we're one"

NO I'M YOUR ANOMALY
I DONT CRY
I DONT MOURNE
I AM POWERFUL
NO WEAKNESS
NO MELANCHOLY FUCKING THINGS

i'm suffering that's true
but i enjoy suffering
i enjoy this life
-nothing to have
-nothing to keep
-nothing to afraid of bereft
-and NO YOU

i enjoy wearing these masks
smiling outside, dying inside
Nothing to afraid of someone look thru' my face

i love this alter ego

but for you i 'll tell you
'inside me there's always your charred love letters'

TOURIST OF HEART (THE TRAVELLER)

2011-01-28T00:32:00.000-08:00

Tourist of Heart (The Traveller)

all we began this trip from heart
and we learnt how to walk
we took all the pictures surround
shouted wow or something else like that
when we saw something we never have seen

the pebbles in our path sometime made our feets hurt
and we're the tourists arrived
in one heart and stunned
we were falling in love with the place
and took so many pictures
we spent too much time
till the time and tour guide warned
we're just 'tourist'
and we got our trip along
said goodbye and farewell
we cried

then we felt lost and empty
is this the end of time?
We 're gonna to get the next places
cliff and rocky road makes our feet bleed

dead end, wrong way
that 's okay
we got no map with us
with God's help

still take pictures
collect them all
dont wanna miss every moments
remembering the places

til we're in our last place
our journey finish
time to home

we're finally home, we back home
so this the end of our trip
we're home again
and all those pictures
will be framed
be framed forever
hangin' on our favourite wall
take a nap, and stare the pictures
than sleep
we're finish

*i'm just a tourist, tourist of your heart. I came over and go, like a traveller in vacation*

by ead wine

I WILL SHUT UP/ I WILL BE SHUTTED UP

2010-12-06T02:41:00.001-08:00

Now she ask me to 'shut up'
When i don't know how to bear what's inside
I think i could just explode
Into pieces
Ok i'll shut up from now and on
I'm SHUTTED UP
I'll do it, cause i think my moan is only distrubing dirty cat' meow
Do i have to shut my breathe too?
Cause i moan in every breathe
I'll shut up, that's cool

SULLEN FACE

2010-12-03T23:28:00.000-08:00

I dont know why
Why i still keep crying at least for last night
Where are you? When i need a kiss
Now i'm crazy
Talking alone
I talk to my hands
And amazingly they answer
By wiping my face
Ah, i could see clearly now

I'm burn
I know i'm burn everytime i remember you
Evrytime they show me that things
And all i do just exhale

Played an old film pizza late night
With a liqueur bottle
That was sweet

Today is the firstday exam
I haven't study for weeks
Month maybe
And ya ask how is school
You knew the answer
It only needs your basic intellegence

Shit!
Everything's like deja vu
I'm back in 2 years ago
When i cried of you
And asked God why

Who will say sorry first from us
And who will say thank you first
Some people could forget their revenge
Some bring it to their death
Some like ME

F@ck!!
I am afraid of tommorow!

Hey
Whatever i've done doesnt make any sense, right?
Of course cause i'm nothing
And i did nothing ,aint i?

from this moment
i wear another mask
i call it SULLEN FACE

MY STORY

2010-11-29T02:55:00.001-08:00

My life is a kind of story
That your 3 little pigs were eaten by the wolf
Or little girl with a red hood wouldnt meet her grandma
And maybe hansel and gretel were being slaved or baked by witch
My story won't be too much different
While the girl wishes a happy ending in my story
Please dont, not my story
You have your own
Write it down
Dont distrub mine
My story will be end soon, no sequel
We're just have a same title but different author
That won't be a same
And none will tell my story as a lullaby
More like a bible page that we open in funeral
That's my story

I'LL PROVE IT

2010-11-27T19:12:00.001-08:00

Now
Nothing seems right
A man with a broken heart, just sit down and watch his town blows up
Nothing' remain
All end up
Which love had human taken?
While they think the greatest philosopher is their own god

I don't know who had created me
All i know i'm just a biological creature
Weak, moved by instinct
With a wicked weapon called brain

I'll prove they re wrong
I'll prove you re wrong
I'll prove this world is wrong
I'll prove that i was wrong

ELSE SOMEWHERE

2010-11-21T23:44:00.001-08:00

Once again
It happened once again
I wanna run away like chicken
But i'm in cage
Crying? Only
It stir my stomach so cold
So hurt
God, I'm in pain
Endless pain

I wanna sink myself into those things
I wanna drink it
Drench my pain

Always i wish i could
But what else can i do?
I can do nothing
I'm just a boy who's too much in love to let her go

I let my tears stream while i type this fucking moan
To set me fine
I'll be okay next 24 hours, i hope
Knowing she'snt there
I think i'll be okay

ENJOY MY LONELINESS

2010-11-20T07:11:00.000-08:00

I'm still living in a bunch of dirt called earth
I'm still breathing in this shallow imagination
Silent still
Enjoy my own disguise
Playing my various masks
Sit
With head straight up gaze at edison light bulb
Just thinking when will its light wears off
24h? A week? A year? 10years?
I don't care i enjoy this time
I enjoy my loneliness

I WILL MAKE MY OWN GRAVE

2010-11-11T02:51:00.000-08:00

I am a man
But i'm a boy too
Just a boy
No more

This is much better
I do what i want
You do what you want
I wanted this
I have revenge, but i'll keep it
Til the time is come

When i make my own grave

WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME?

2010-11-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

Why do you leave me?
T_T

SAY IT ONCE MORE, SO I'LL CLOSE THIS BLOG

2010-11-03T02:44:00.001-07:00

Nice? Say it's nice
And i feel so good
HEY BLIND HUMAN!!
Can u think before bark
U see with no heart
See with those damned things stick on your face!

How could it be nice?
Tell me!
I want a answer
Ask God ?
I hope HE send a thunder and kill me as the answer

I'm tired of keep silent
I'm tired of keep screaming
I'm tired of keep crying

Everyday
They just play it like a joke
Shout it for entire class FOR A JOKE
And YOU SAY IT JUST TO BE NICE!!!

ENJOY

2010-11-01T04:36:00.000-07:00

I am glad to see those smile
People surround me
Some new happiness between you guys
But i'm sorry , i'll keep sullen things

But know friends
Human hath no love anymore
They just 'enjoy' each other

Enjoy it while you can

And i enjoy what left in me
Hollowness, and rage

THEY DON'T CARE

2010-10-30T04:10:00.000-07:00

Today
I just could sleep for one hour
Tiring
Still they dont know, still they dont care
Asked the fucked and damned question
And guess, what i did
Just drive my face away with stupid & idiotic teehee

HEY GUYS, I.M NOTHING, WHY'D'NT YOU ASK HERSELF ,YOU MOTHERFUCKER

I DON'T WANNA BE HUMAN

2010-10-28T03:21:00.001-07:00

I don't wanna be human
I wanna be something else
Plant? It's okay, enjoy the sunshine and wind blows
Animal? Not bad, born,eat,sex,and die

JOHN

2010-10-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

Redeem everything i have done

You Jesus
A beautiful Savior

And i believe in JOHN 3:16
As my title

Everyone who doesnt believe in YOU, shall perish
I won't perish, will i?

Christmas dont be late
So i can enjoy the pain of time

Bitter

2010-10-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

What's this bitter taste in my mouth?

My own blood........

I DON'T LIKE MIRROR ,STILL

2010-10-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

Is this life fair?
What i've done
I aint murderer, thief, or cheater
But there's always evil inside

God, is it fair?
YOU can see me
While i cant see YOU

Your jackass son T.T

DIE ONCE MORE

2010-10-25T04:15:00.000-07:00

These days
They didn't do good things at me
They i called friends
It makes another suffering

What i afraid of has come
I'm feeling alone
Face it alone, walk alone

I think, i could die once more

But it's okay

I've already dead, what could be worse?

BLOOD

2010-10-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

I bled
I dont know why
I dont remember
And i dont want to know
Let the blood bleed out
Cause it can be regenerated

MOON

2010-10-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

Last night
I was walkìng home
Above me...the sky was so bright
The moon shone powerfully
I felt asleep
And then now
I wake
I feel the same
Flat, monotone
Dead like him

AMUSE

2010-10-12T03:47:00.000-07:00

If i put off these masks, there'll be nothing u can see...
Deadpan

I try to amuse people aroud
So i can see their smile
While i can't smile
Saved by these masks

One of things makes me survive

My MASKS

2010-10-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

How long i can use these masks?
They're fake, but i love them
No1 knows who i am

A BLACK RAIN

2010-09-23T01:17:00.000-07:00

So here i am
Hollow
Alone
Like a child, locked in the basement
His father did it

And in the end, revanche
He buried his father

BETRAYAL

2010-09-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

And i smell a betrayal
A liar
From someone who i called friend and i do as brother

It's okay
My back always bare
Anyone can stab it
How deep it could

Cause life is always unfair

DRIVE

2010-09-04T03:47:00.000-07:00

I drive away

Pieces of my heart that will never cry anymore

Magificient

Temporary

Next page

It's over

Darkness will explain

2010-08-24T04:29:00.001-07:00

I look at the darkness

And i know
There's a power, powerful power

A Power of Fear

I HAVE DEACTIVED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT

2010-08-14T05:10:00.001-07:00

I HAVE DEACTIVED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT

WELL I CLEAR IT

2010-08-14T03:51:00.000-07:00

What's supposed to go up
Never gone up

I'm fime
Matter of fact i enjoy these

You're no one

I'm with my own now

If u think this's a vengeance
It's true

I'm vengeful
Revanche

Let me clear it

IT'S OVER

I CAN LIVE

2010-08-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

Things, You, It
I can't live with that...it's gonna kill me

Anger, revanche, pain
Those things that make me survive

THIS FAR

2010-08-01T03:57:00.001-07:00

Well, this far i an okay
Maybe some bad dreams coming
Bad dream that u hate but you cant wake up

I have to adicted to something
Maybe these day you see
I oftenly online
Search nothing do nothing

My evil side teach me vengeance
and i taste it
'revenge is good, cause life is always unfair'

That's MY CREED

WHAT THEM SMILE

2010-07-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

Perhaps they dont know anything...

But, i aint merciful Jesus..

They asked me, 'how do you feel?'
'wont u miss her?'
With smiles, with dirty tehee, they chuckle

I am angry

I WANNA KILL THEM

IF GLOOM IS IN YOUR HEAD

2010-07-23T15:59:00.001-07:00

1. Remember life is always unfair

2. Dont think it was love...(f@*k that love, if u cant feel it)

3. Do revenge (remember 1st lesson)

4. Move along, although makes u similiar with walking-dead

I'll give u more later

Remember God knows your tears

The All-American Rejects "Move Along"

2010-07-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your...
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep us strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through move along
move along
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceivin
All the days held in your...
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
when every thing is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
when every thing is wrong, we move along
along, along (we move along),along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know ya do.
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along

Just to make through,
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know ya do.
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

Move along(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along (Go on, go on, go on, go on)

WHAT'S IN ME NOW

2010-07-06T20:59:00.000-07:00

i look at my friends, they looked so excited that they' goin' to face new adventure on the third grade.....While i wish there's no tomorrow so you'll be there

The only reason :

THERE'S NO YOU IN TOMORROW

i got to forget you...i mean it...
so i wont be in pain...
keep that' all as our good memories...not the best of us...
you can find the best one day "ONLY HEAVEN KNOW"(by Rick Price)

"THIS IS THE BEST FOR US" ....trust me...

Still i'll never say Goodbye

Memories

2010-07-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

Dulu aku pernah bertanya padanya...
"what will you do if i die tonight?"

And she said

That she would keep move along...keep me as memories

and i said in my heart
"baguslah"

IT'S OVER

2010-06-20T19:24:00.001-07:00

It's over
I can't give u anything anymore
Go away form me
Or
You'll hurt yourself
There are many guys out there
They're waiting, there must be one who tougher than i am
Yes you're right...we arent meant to be

LEAVE ME

2010-06-18T02:58:00.001-07:00

She dont feel what i feel
She dont know who i am
She dont know i'm full of flaw

I have no choice...

If life isnt fair it's true
what i get????? What' my pain for...???

Now i'm sick
i cant feel half of my face

I know
i aint precious as i thought
for u everything is okay and okay
but it's not for me
everything 's gonna be over

Fix me....??? F*@k that

I know i'm the antagonist
you're the main actress who had to win

Cry
she don't care how loud and how sad i cry

You wanted it
you gotta pay my life

Go ahead
Yes i cant guarantee anything, im just a d*@ns*@tthings
Take it, cause you'll feel sorry if u're with me

Leave me alone...i beg

This is The Real Me

2010-05-31T03:05:00.001-07:00

See me now
Nothing left inside me

My life gonna crushed
And you'll see me crawl to the grave

Even you're impatient to spend time with them not with me

Think of me ,just make you sick

So who am i?
I'm nothing and no one

You said you'll be there
And i was so happy to hear that
I was

No i'm not dissapointed
I know nothing you can do
So i am
I just can cryin and mourn
Seems suicide is the best way
Now i dont care with hell

See you next time
If there will be time for me

I'm not broken
I'm just the god of sadness

I Pray Once More

2010-05-22T16:13:00.001-07:00

God
I cried again this morning
my heart's still cant receive this

Your way is obviously clear
now nothing can i do
i just plead to You
please take care her...
Protect her...

Tuhan...
hanya satu yg aku minta...
bahagiakan dia...
walaupun artinya aku harus menderita
kumohon bahagiakan dia...
cuma itu...

Thanks for everything You gave...
This's your way and i cant deny that
i love u Lord

God

2010-05-12T03:58:00.001-07:00

Tuhan Yesus
Aku tau aku banyak dosa...
Aku tau aku jarang berdoa
Aku jarang baca firman Tuhan
Tapi, knapa sakit sekali
Aku ga kuat Tuhan
Aku minta maaf, ya Yesus
Tp klo memang harus bgni
What can i do
You're God...
Amen

I Hope You Are

2010-05-05T01:15:00.001-07:00

I HOPE YOU ARE

Everyday i countdown our last days remain
It's hard to smile deep inside
Everything that i wanted it's about u
I hope you'll get what u want
I hope u are
Even there's no more day light
Just ignore it
A single piano key
A rhytm of my cry
I really, i want u to dont look back
You're gonna get what u wanted
Yes u are
I'll always remind u
To sleep and love

HELLO ONE

2010-03-23T08:05:00.001-07:00

Hello one, one whom i miss...
All i need...u know..what all i need...
Let the rain tells u, i'm fallin...gravity...pulls everything...and raindrops and teardrops are same thing...
Just stay...that's all i need

My Deepest Pain

2010-03-13T14:42:00.000-08:00

Guess what i've just done..
Praying
Guess what what've fallen
My tears
If you'd loved to leave
My arms won't be strong enough to hold your picture
My heart won't live as a human
Just abandoned

And i could be so hopeless
To hold you here, to have u beside me
And i'll wake up without sun
Without you

Later, look who's falling apart
Take my heart apart
And, look what's left inside
No more than flooded fabric
Than, look what's torn apart
When i say goodbye
I hate to say goodbye
I can't say goodbye

Forced me to do foolest things
And everything's nothing
I'll do everything
To have you here, to have you beside me

Don't you know this heart is cryin' every single second

FINALLY

2010-01-07T00:55:00.000-08:00

'My Fears'
I had known they soon or later would've come...
And now they arrived...

I just can let you go
I just can watch and see
Even my heart bleed, even it crushs to QUADrillion pieces
I just can rearrange it one by one
Even it needs whole time of my life

dont you mind me
i'll try to live normally
i'll try to live without you although i know i could dead
suicide???

You're the one, always
Thanks for beautiful seconds, hours, days, weeks, months, years
For these tears
I moan
I hope you got such a euphoria
til the end of your life
Even while i moan

One thing
That i really do very hate to say to you

"goodbye"

I AM PRETENDER

2009-12-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

Why do you do this to me...?
Am i nothing...?
I ain't made of rock
In the end i just can sigh
And let you what you be
I'll try to live normal
I'll try to pretend that i'm okay
I promise one thing 'you wont see me cry'
Cause i'm a good pretender
I know we both are broken
But you let us be broken
Maybe that's something you expect
But don't mind this
I'll be okay
I'll pretend

MY TERRIBLE FEAR

2009-12-22T05:31:00.000-08:00

I know my fear will come...like doomsday...

But my fear is more horrible than doomsday

I will just not perish but i will extinct

My heart is dead

2009-11-21T16:50:00.000-08:00

Now my heart 's given too much damage...
I can't bear it
Now my heart is dead...it's cold
Very cold...so leave me...cause it'll harm

CAN I ?

2009-11-18T05:21:00.001-08:00

I want to start the new...new page...new papper...forget everything..everything...til what i know is zero...

I want to all my pain and sorrow disappear...

Or maybe it's best if i'll disappear...

I want to sleep...and i don't know when will i wake up...2 hours..5 hours...
I dont know...may i won't wake up forever...

My heart grows tougher from every battle, every damage...
I'll keep battle...till my heart is tough enough like a stone...cold stone...but still tears are corrosive...

There'll be a hollow...may it'll be sand...and will be blown by voices...thee voices...

White...i wanted everything's white like heaven description...
Every second makes me realise...
That i'm not the one..as i thought...i found it's odd for me who knows the destiny doesn't seem fair

Now i know the meaning of life...this life...
Is vain...
I'm just spinning around in a little circle...always like that..
Monday backs to Monday
God backs to God
24hours just a measure while my time is awkward...
My intellegent is just for a fundamental to write this fucking moan...

"Yeah now there's nothing i want to do...nothing i can expect...no more scientific calculation...let me be me...the one who free...i don't recognise you..i don't recognise them...let me only me..alone..omly me in my head.."

Can i be ?

It's So

2009-10-21T01:35:00.000-07:00

This pain it's so hurt, so lost...
Even i can write any moan..

My heart damage

2009-10-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

If i can change life's structure
If i can change my mind structure
It'll has differnt function
But an word or a phrase could make me defunct
Every phrase that you said kills me, kill me to be nothing
But from beginning i was nothing, and i'm still nothing
I try to keep up with you but it's vain youre too prestige...and i'm just a man that no one knows i'm exsist

Maybe better i just leave, go away, start new life from zero
We're not balance
I'm too beneath

I'm sorry
I just can't lose you
I'm not ready

SHE WIPES A TEAR FROM HIS FACE

2009-10-06T05:44:00.001-07:00

SHE WIPES A TEAR FROM HER FACE

And now i know she come for it
Deny the lie
She hire a house there far away where i don't know
She won't come back tonight or another night
Goodbye she said
She wipes a tear from her face

She shout too loud till i can't hear he's crying
And the only could is above
She said he needs the wish of falling star
She said he needs another towel to wipe another cry

Let her go and being what she wanted
Let her go and loving someting else
Let her go you just let her go

I mused and learnt something today, if i love someone i have to let her go as she wanted, as she wished
cause i'm nothing, ain't god, ain't lord, ain't king nor conqueror
i have no ascendency...
i'll try to live normally, to breathe normally, to do normally...
even there'll be a cry time, hollow time, hollow space, hollow heart...
i should, yes i should...as i'm nothing

SHE DOESN'T NEED

2009-09-11T01:53:00.001-07:00

SHE DOESN'T NEED

Did you ever try to live without passion
And all is crumbling upon your face
Any butterflies hide behind your curtain
She tore the papper again

Time by time i know
She doesn't need any letter
She doesn't need poem
May i ask her"what does you need?"?
And she whispers "i need the meaning of you."

The sound's screaming in my head
She-have-No-time-to-make-me-last-forever
Maybe figures&numbers and any theories
Which will separate the unity
Try to keep up with you, catch up with you
But the sound of torn letter resound
It's hurt inside, i try to hold it on even pain licked my vein
I hold on

I thought something i never heard nor known
I see the paper is torn and it's just lying in the basket on the corner of your room
She doesn't need
She doesn't need any poem, any love spell
She knows what is she needed
And i'll try to provide
But she doesn't need any help
She's too prestige
She doesn't need
And i let she be

ERRATIC MINDS ON MY PATH

2009-09-09T01:05:00.000-07:00

ERRATIC MINDS ON MY PATH

Just look at my path, the way i'd walked is written by failure and worst
The next step that i'm afraid to step on is a deep abyss
1 more further second makes me realise that i'm nothing
And more time makes me more nothing

I want u to pull the trigger, aim my head
Blow it up, let me sleep forever
Believe me i'm okay, and you'll okay

Let the tears drip with the memories
A friend can fill you
A book can make you not alone
When you're thinking the numbers and figures
You comfort with your own task
And left me away
Honestly there's a little regret, but i don't mind
Cause i won't let it command me
Any order can push me anymore?

Let me sleep to forget who i am awhile
Or let me use the drugs or venom which could kill me

He will look after you
And i'm losing my control of my own arms
Oh baby...everyone knows you over their head
The mostly doesn't know who i am

Will it come tonite?
I can't sniff anything
My feeling was in snare
Where there's kitten snarl, My snarl

Just do all you wanted
I'll be here or not it doesn't give affect
My last will to hug you, embrace you
Taste the taste of your little lips
Sorry i'm just a man that also have a lust
I'm lust of you, i desire you

Thousand of sorry won't change any thing
I just wanna you smile forever
And don't smile upon me when you're inside's crying

For you eternity
I'll set the fate free
And believe in God's beautiful plan

And this erratic feeling i drop of in this f**k*d note

'I know no one could finish this, cause it's erratic'

NIGHT

2009-07-31T02:00:00.000-07:00

Night
I'm the night
City doesn't sleep
There are lamps and lights glowing
In my collapsed deep heart
I just sit down in the end of corner of sidewalk
And i know smoke of city will embrace
Lonely man in the rush of man and citizen
Every steps that tapping beside me make me harder to find God
Will be the smoke and mist over?

Then i running to the fly over
To catch my ride, catch my way to home
Where i can sleep without pain
Million lamps glow everytime
But i passed through to high way
This is shining high way

Do you think i'll find it?
Distinction of despair and passion
You got the gold one
And the high world above
Like you always above me
Bless my soul, be my bone

Your high life devaste the time of mine
And city dawn won't come true
And all of the voices of rude
Believe me too
One poor man cry alone
That he tried to apply a job
And he's rejected
He ran to fly over to meet me

Where we will run til the edge
Edge of night

I WON'T CRY

2009-07-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

I WON'T CRY

I running from you & him
Cause you two don't
Let a space for me
I won't bother
A true lovers
And please go on
You don't have to notice me

I won't cry
Cause you'll be happy
You'll get bliss with him
I'm not deserved
I'm just rusted stuff on your mind
The abandoned soul
But i won't cry
Cause you'll be happy next to him

Don't look back
Don't look at me
cause i won't say anything
So don't look back
I won't cry
So don't you look back at me
Just continue your life with him

There's any trigger you can pull to shoot
And there is aim to be shot, it's me
The victim of lie
There is bait you can bait to ocean, it's me
So you can get him
And be with him always

And when the time you&i won't meet anymore
You won't mind me...

Johm_M

MY CORAZON

2009-07-14T00:30:00.000-07:00

CORAZON

I hold the 'cuori'
I know it can't beat your 'asso' card
Your picche is the thing that i wanted
Your smile's king's smile
I believe that i'll fall

My corazon
No i don't go to the end of world
I will make new world
Inside my corazon
Where you don't have to hide
I know if you'd rather go with him
I'll be willing you go
I'll stay here with cuori in my hand

I want to see you brighter and clearer
I will say it louder and clearer
That i'm just a bray of jackass
Sooner or later i'll lose the game
I'm checkmated
Everyone and every one would never see me

I pray :
Jesus, take me apart
Please, and let her get what her deserved ,bliss
And let it be what is supposed to be

I'M THE BROKEN & SUDDENLY BREAK

2009-07-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'M THE BROKEN(SUDDENLY BREAK)

If know that
I'm sure i'll suddenly break
But if don't know that
There's incomlepte
I can forgive the pain
But my heart won't compromise
If it suddenly break

If i know
If i know, what's the truth
If i know
If i know, that's the truth
So it's suddenly broken

The view will be engraved in my brain
Permanently
It'll be my mind
It will make the sorrow
If i know, that's the truth

I don't say that you're lie
And i won't blame anyone
I'm just blind with the truth
And i'm just suddenly broken
Follow the guide
Just make me like a puppet
Who knows its fate
And knows it'll be suddenly broken

If i know
If i know, that's the truth
I suddenly break

I don't reckon
I lose you earlier
I don't reckon
I suddenly break
So let me be the broken
Just a little place inside your heart

by john_m

ORPHAN

2009-06-25T01:16:00.001-07:00

ORPHAN

Why my eyes drop a tear?
Where i don't feel alone
Just believe what they said
It's okay i'm okay
But still a question that they won't answer it
Where am i from?
Where's my blood?
And where's my flesh?
I never know
I could see it clear
Where the fear is surround me
I am the floor that it can't go upstair
Do i believe in you?
When the tear is on my face
Where am i from?
God,but i thank for this world
This sorrow is YOUR mercy
And i don't mind if i'll got physcological damage
Cause i'm collateral damage

So here i am
In the middle of meadow
Lonely
I know YOU are my father

by edwin.@

JUST LIKE THIS

2009-06-17T19:33:00.001-07:00

JUST LIKE THIS

Wonder of your mind
i can't reckon what it is
supermassive power
i know it's yours

but i'm just like this
no more
no more i know than yours
stuck here i'm stuck here
and i ain't reckless to run

so i just put my line here and leave out
i don't care what will the future be
i don't care what will i be
slow down can the time be slowingdown

oh...it cannot, i see

take me to the surrealistic world
nothing to mind or describe
just watch and see
what the painting's just like this
when i got there i'll be more don't care
color frays me
than i sleep
sleep or die

baby
i let you go, cause i love u
i let you go, cause i know what you want
i let you run
cause i know i'm just like this
what a boring creature
what a boring phase&palce

but baby believe me i always be here
and won't move anywhere
cause i'm stuck here forever

edwin@

MY CARTOON WORLD

2009-06-12T03:20:00.001-07:00

RTOON WORLD

If this life is like a cartoon
people don't want it'll be end
but i got the remote to rewind it
so the show will never end
but it's a life that never will moving forward to the end

than i would lay into your palm
feel the sense of innocent
but can i be called innocent
if i ever be savage

i don't wanna know i'm blamed
i just wanna u knom i'm still the same
i will always the same
as one who came
the one who is still lame
i was the one who you stared

so i go out and sing the ode
than i begin to asking what's this feel
i feel worry but i'm sure
but i'm worry

you hold my bone please don't crumble it
cause it has frozen a time ago
missing you make me feel dying

i know i'm not always in your mind
i know i'm not the one in your heart
maybe i was disappear from your heart
but i hope you found the replacement

i will stay here stare at you
oh..no you're not here
have i to say goodbye
so yesterday is 'conte par tiro'

i give you the remote
and please turn the cartoon off
you got to decide...

JohnM

I'm tired and my heart wants to cry

2009-06-01T06:25:00.003-07:00

I got tired with this pain...
God, Your temptation is heavier than i thought...
My life is just hanging on slight yarn...
And my hand won't hold it longer...
Just give me Your hell...
I know what i deserve...
I know i'm standing on line of world's end
but this life doesn't end..
Continuously pain, sorrow, cry, sigh, me...
I wanted the end
End of pain, my life, my own world, my collapsed dream...
I wanted it end...soon

MOVE ON

2009-05-31T01:42:00.000-07:00

MOVE ON (LIMITED2^nd)

I'm trying to turn my life on to move on
But God set questions to get home
That's absurd for me to answer
But i have to move on
But you put out the fire

if i'm insecure
you ought to forget me
and wind will pour the rain

so, not need to rush
just take me to the hell
cause i'm stuck in this hole

LIMITED

2009-05-23T18:54:00.001-07:00

LIMITED

Time
Won't stop or return to when we were
Life
Won't be the eternity as i wish
Die
Will be the biggest grace for me

When i see you
I'll be stuck in this hole
And my head will stop working
And it cross
"I'm still limited"

Eye
I will stare the sky with my only eye
Say
I won't say anything about tommorow
Then
I will open the dark
Will open the earth
To live

So
I'll be stuck in this hole
And my heart will start to shiver
Than it crossed
"I'm still weak & being stupid"

I saw you
Than i will be stuck in this hole
I feel so cold
Dark over here and my bone is being rigid

"I'm just human being, no more"
"And will never be more"
"Or may be less"

by the deepest mind of John_m/edwin.A

CHAOS

2009-05-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

CHAOS
(dedicated to daydreamer)

Lovers
You mourne
I mourne
We can't bear to show it

Now you and i
Are sleeping and dying
Now you and i
Send a glowing heart
to the people who'll carry on
And you and i
Have felt sense of die

Turn the light of day
to stare the moon
Get of the chaos of night mare
Thinking about what happened to you and me
Believing chaos exist in the deep of subconsciousness

Stone
is what make you fall down
in the countdown of age
You look up for a reason
Hear a song or chant
Squeeze a rotten apple
and make this life mess
Chaos

Stall or reason
Also can be reached by them
Oh and touch of angel
make me able to live Between my own chaos

Who's the angel which lives between devil
Try to reach a rope that God sent
Until you're alone in your own of own
cause everything annihilate

but angel must go
she isn't supposed to be here
she must be happy
and unleashed

or supposed to be with him

by watcher of world/John_M

I CALL THEM 'ANIMALS'

2009-05-23T18:51:00.001-07:00

I CALL THEM 'ANIMALS'

If the reasons are vary
i won't pick one out
cause they believe in theories
not facts
and i don't take hard course

If i could die
i wouldn't take it home
and do it like a homework
but i have done

it's terrible poem
which no love nor words
as though i understand what do the words mean
there's no meaning
they're just contain of alphabet
so i won't talk

and i don't wanna be down
i don't want to looked down

i'm not restricted by 'animal' rules
i'm not restricted by 'word' rules
no one can restrict me, except my CHRIST

Maybe in their eyes i'm the loser
but the real i'm god in their stupidity, the conqueror
and i rely my faith and mind

to survive

by John_M

CANDY BAR

2009-05-12T04:07:00.000-07:00

CANDY BAR

Baby, i can taste the taste
if it is sweet i want you to try
if it is plain i'll look for the other

let this candy bar replace while i'm looking the other taste

chew it if you love it
swallow it if you wanted once more
or
spit it upon my face if you want to

sense the sensation
sense of my life
taste which has all the sense

~And i dream about you and me
how i grateful i have known you
how i be so pleasant~

you're the sweetest taste
you're the sweetest face
the sweetest phrase in my life

No i can't make it sweet
See you as Eve make it sweet
Till i stumble upon your feet
And beg to take me
So you'll know that i'm yours

by j0hn_m

First May 09

2009-05-01T03:41:00.000-07:00

First May 09

i know our time isn't much left
i can count it by second
that's on my mind always
the missing, the sadness, the sorrow
and all the words
no much time remain

i don't have the brave
the tough
yes i'm just weak ant
which cry everyday cause got lost

now you're with him
and i can see the true hapiness
the true love
i'm glad you're happy now
different with my joy that i've given before
-God what i have to do?
I'm so lost, in mourne-

but now i can breathe
cause you won't alone when the time come
because of him
who give you joy

that's all i just can say

by john_m

Attention PLEASE !!!...

2009-04-24T23:47:00.001-07:00

God bless us

we meet again
i hope we'll not be apart anymore
but from this time
we'll rarely meet
cause i think all i have done, have writen
it's VAIN

but don't worry
i'm still the same
i will NEVER change
if there're a question, everything,
just ask me...
There's my facebook or my friendster
nor my email (mr.johnnathanielmandrake@gmail.com or mr.johnnathanielmandrake@yahoo.com)

i'll answer honestly and satisfying

_down here there's "RAY" it's the newest_
what do u think??
leave a comment and critics

BYE see you
-baby i'm still the same...maybe i'm fading...but this love will NEVER be fading-

RAY

2009-04-24T23:31:00.001-07:00

RAY

Beating
i hear a beating sound
slowly but sure
it wants to live
but it wants to end too
show me
your true you
your real violet dream
where the tear is 1$/litre
are you lost?
may be you'll say ,"What do you wanted? you act as though you can feel same as mine!"
i dont mean to hurt you
because i ain't mean
if it doesn't matter at all
i carry a gorgeous flower for u
only if it doesn't matter at all
-love, i just want to you stay nearby me-
-love, i just want to hear the beat every time-
i hope you wouldn't mine
just if it doesn't matter at all

if out there is Jesus Christ
may i make a wish?

I wanna be a ray
that will shine everynight and day
the only ray in this lovely night

if out there are fireflies?
may i be the brightest among them?

To shine your heart
in everynight
if there is no sunshine
look at your window and...
-i'm your firefly-

but i just can be the fly

A LIGHT A SACRIFICE (remixed)

2009-04-24T23:29:00.000-07:00

I woke this nite and the nite too late
no sound trump out
& this happen again

Try new lifes are vain so i won't go back again

then you spit me up all the pain can bring
i'm going to down tonite
& this happen again

when the sundaylight so dark
and bright couldn't shine
& i'm going to light ur night
& i'm going again

than they are wanna
like you so much and i
just can ask are you?

when you are going down
i will bring you up
that star shines for you everynight

let those clown to be
what idiot to be
you can feel they are same as i
a thing

i'll light up

they sacificed all of the worth
wife,husband,children even one's you call home

the death is coming
right tommorow morning
than i will stay here
over here
on my own burial

i will light you up

by deausy.gtrst

RIGHT

2009-04-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

RIGHT

Now dark cloud cover me up
Just a second after i know that
and all rainbow disappear quickly
leaving a trace that fade by crowd sound
-i know i have no right to be jealous nor saying that-

i know what have you said to me
i know the meaning even it isn't showed
i always put out the fire that've burnt my heart
cause i know who i am
one's trying to be faded away
cause i quite sure
i have no heart to be jealous nor talk

i 'hafta' let you go
let you go
doesn't mean the love disappear withot trace
but it still be a grace to me
and i'm grateful

now i'm collecting all my 'SAD SONG's
and sing it loud
but no one hear

-there's a lonely man
walk along this long road
he doesn't hope that he can meet her again
and there's a sorrow too-

the losing is same like dead
never seen again
but it is sad which in heart
so sad, that's sad

than i bet my life to the death
standing in the edge of cliff
cause this is your story not mine
where the hero always win

this is about yours

by John_m/E_A

MY TEARS WILL BE ENDLESS

2009-04-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

MY TEARS WILL BE ENDLESS

Everytime i close both of my eyes, i can feel d'pain
one that i love there's nothing remain
i hope you found a place where you won't complain
even i know i won't be smiling

i know you could fly away
at this time you're going to go&fade far away
and you're cutting my heart

since you go and never come back
i realise the time when see your face was the last thing've done
and my heart splited to many pieces

if i will die tonight
i will be grateful
cause the gloom rush into my head
and the groan is the language of me

so u're leaving now
so i'm losing now
all my dos and don'ts
just regrets are in vein

u left the wicked ground
and found a place you called:
"here im supposed to be...in heaven. Far away from u"
i lose u
i think i'll miss u

the bushes said that something had lost would come back soon or later

by me
edwin.aliwarga/john nathaniel mandrake/the lonely heaven soldier

Guys...maybe this is my last post for this moment...i need to try to fix my feeling, i don't know why, 'she's next to me, on my face, but i feel i lose her, i think i'll lose her...i need to prepare it, fix it up, and receive that

guys maybe we can meet again...next week,next month,next year...who know?
Is hard to saying this
GOOD BYE

ILOVETHEFIRE

2009-04-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THE FIRE

what the things you've done?
You're very proud of that
but you still there're hunger in your life
the art,living life,obstacles,even friend nor love
won't stop you to eat the famous of noble world
when i can see it clearly
i know what you've done causes fire, big big fire
the men fond of you are very proud of the fire you caused
i sit on the hydrant
but i won't set the fire off
i let it burn, til left the burnt in my face
cause you force me to love the fire
I want you to close your eyes
just for a sec feel the mercies from God
and think about what you've done
are there the good for all or just make people envious,
are there?
Yes i see you above, always above and above
and i too and so short to stand to reach you
that i can't, and i believe i can't
my demon said that i shoulda given up and just dead
burning flame blast my ground to ash
so now i stray in the air
which bounded in your lung
that you might be the consioglori of a great Don
nor be a Don of world

now kiss me

john_m&edwin93

I COUNT ON MY DEMON

2009-03-29T03:58:00.001-07:00

I COUNT ON MY DEMON

I used to had had a dream
and i tired with thinking of that
i have had a expectation but world bury it deeply
i try to be subservient to all of my beyond
my God, my Lord, my demon and myself

i used to with be violence
and i know all of the kinds of violence
please make it short and sweet
so there's no black and blue
than i count on my demon to take me away
you thought you might be the best
everynight there's a smile that satisfy
and the sound talks to me sarcastically

my plane arrives tomorrow
to take me away to new place
my demons are waiting for me tomorrow
and death supposed to be there
if i interchangable, i will change myself with myself
and the tough thing comes by
saying the farewell
it's not little bit well
but the matter of fact i'm okay
that is nothing at all

sound is great
all my deed there's a bill to pay
s/he's shouted why'd you leave me alone?

Baby, let me fade
let my whole soul away
taken by demon of mine

by john_edwin

I WANT YOU TO READ THIS

2009-03-25T02:26:00.000-07:00

I WANT YOU TO READ THIS

now i know that i've known
what i'd be saying to you
but there's no fire in my heart
all going to the death inside
no one could ignite

now i know that i've known
what i always think about
and where i stuck in vain
my friend chose to close their eyes
shut their ears
no one could survive

"(inhale-exhale)
to say that i love you so much
to make you know that i always think about you
even in my dreams
even they don't understand
that i love you"

see the sky, star, moon and space
what which you want?
I'll try to pick it up
if i can't i'll try to be it which you wanted
cause the passion is beautiful
til you realize that everything is beautiful

And i really miss whole thing about you
than i want to touch your heart
to sign that i'm here beside you

But,

You have the other one
who you loved
now just friend called sadness and missing on my shoulders
and it etched on my spine and head

i just can watch your smile
you both can smile and laugh
Yes i can smile
but in pain

by edwin@john_M

SUCH A BEAUTIFUL

2009-03-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

SUCH A BEAUTIFUL

How i cannot wait waiting and staring at you
and i, i can't arrange my heart' fraction
dear, would you let me fade from this world
let me join the clouds above the sky
would you let me dead in lonely
or dissolve with your drinking water?

but
my wings will take you fly
see the world
see me such a beautiful thing
til you know everything is nice

love, i want you to know that i'm stupid and ignorant
that i'm shivering and frightened
that i hesitate to move forward
but i try to pick up a lot of flowers for you

than
my wings will take you to the miracle of love
will take you high above til i can't see you anymore
but i hope you'll mean it such a beautiful moment

but i wonder
oh please...
"Tell me why you seem happy when i couldn't there to see you?"
and tell me why it's too hard for me to say that i love you?
to say that i need you?

Still i know it is the beautiful of you

by edwin@john_M

WORK OUT THE WORLD

2009-03-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

WORK OUT THE WORLD
From this street i'm trying to starting looking for a vision
Vision of people and world
I want to around the world without gravity

Politicans shut theirs ears
What the beggar and moron tell
They beg for shympathy with based true tragic story
now i want to
around the world without gravity

People are arguing
'who will be the next god?'
there's no love i have founded
that i want to round the world
without gravity

a journey to found faith and fairies
but i found it's so hard to do
i need one, someone
who want to around the world without gravity
so loose and such a sweet feeling

i wanna scream out, scream and out
what the world never had been screaming out
that i always need to scream
so anyone would listen
what i want to scream out

i want to run out from this world
cause everything i've done isn't work out

john_M@edwin.A

Vain Void Vice

2009-02-28T02:38:00.000-08:00

VAIN VOID VICE
is my time to turn away?
why a little matter of fact
can be world war?
Why missunderstanding
can make people being enemy?
Please listen my advice

why different language
become a reason to build wall?
why a joke can be a conspiracy?
Why respect i can't beg?
Will be will it have to done
nor i can't do survive

and i'd rather die than cry
i hope it's likewise you all
peace the world funded by love
and i fed up with this war
only blood and tear could i drink

is exist a song to set world free
to set me free
we all mustn't be a victim

john_M

Unknowable...

2009-02-24T01:49:00.000-08:00

I run from the real to being unreal..

I seem like nite singin' orphan...

What should my realm be?
All the realm locked their door...

I took a nap on windy meadow
and i saw myself he looked idiot...
He looks in unknowable
unknowable of everything...

ABSTRACT VENTRILOQUIST

2009-02-23T02:35:00.000-08:00

ABSTRACT VENTRILOQUIST

et hoc genus omne
that's the meaning of my name
i ain't someone
that's the ID of my birthdeed
the oblivion
that's thing that stream in my vessel
i'm the 'else'

see the cloud like lonely orphan
knowing the obstacles are my vein
proverbiality of i have no power to break this seal
may i touch you with my fingertip
may i see fireflies around me and sing a song about heart beat

someOne ask me what is Benedictus mean? despite he's
somewhom ask why Da Vinci paint Monalisa
why orphans have to pray? even though they're prey
due to me, earth won't speak
therefore, i cry alone
missing onething

what was the world said?
i'd rather understand than listen
so will no more harm

let the ventriloquist rule
you can't uderstand
because of abstract

by edwin@john_M

PUPPET OR MANNEQUIN

2009-02-17T23:21:00.001-08:00

PUPPET OR MANNEQUIN

i see the world so pretty
i'm quite proud enough to ever know that
briefing clouds to shine my lovely day
i know i was stupid that i know those thing wouldn't workout
somehow i'll not pretend
to you

i loved to be a puppet
and let sun control my brain
i loved to be a puppet
and let God cofuse my mind
or
just to be a mannequin
that will never bare
never move
never touch
never talked
never seen
never cleaned up
i'm being old

all ventriloquists couldn't
couldn't talk to me
just stared at me with worry

i want to ask you a quaestion
should i be puppet or mannequin?
Or the ventriloquist like you

by john_M